Heart Rate Check

After trying many different ways to get exercise into my routine including yoga, belly dancing and watching this insane man named Gilad at 6am, I've landed on working out at my church through classes they offer in the evenings. So far it's been a great time. Our instructor, Micki, is a little ball of fire and she keeps it fun. She has this way of killing you, but making it seem like you asked her to do so. At the end of it all you're so busy doing the wop that you forget you have sweat in your eye and your hair is all over your head....well sometimes.

 

Towards the end of the 1st round of torture, she always stops, turns off the music and says, "Keep it moving, but find your pulse!" This is our cue that it's time to do a heart rate check. To me, I think it's a way to measure a few things:

 

1) That you're still alive.

2) That you still have feeling in your finger tips.

3) That you can still walk.

4) That you can still walk, feel things, and be alive at the same time.

5) That your heart is getting stronger.

 

Ok so maybe only one of those things is really the goal. But the point is that over the weeks your pulse is supposed to indicate whether you need to work harder, whether you're in a good zone, or whether you're jumping around a little too much. So today, at the end of a cardio kind of week, I'm checking my pulse-

 

So far, in addition to my workout, I added my blog, freelance writing, joined a new ministry (Spiritual Gifts Assessment), researched going back to seminary, researched starting my cello lessons again, planned a trip out of town, and made giving to the food pantry part of my regular shopping. I'd say I've got a good burn going. But when I check my pulse, I've also gotten VERY annoyed with my husband, fell asleep at 5pm for no good reason, forgot to get the groceries I was supposed to buy for my own home, and I can't remember what day it is or what I have planned to do this weekend. I'd say that I'm jumping around a little too much.

 

I plan to keep it moving, but I hope that as I exercise these activities a little more, I will move to a good zone. I started all these things to REV1VEnita, not TRAUMATIZEvenita! So if you see me wandering aimlessly in the middle of the street somewhere, be kind. I'm working it out.

 

V

 

Finding Refuge

I just submitted an article to a publication called Alive Now for Upper Room Ministries. I hope it gets accepted! The article is for their November/December magazine so it will probably be some time before I find out if they want my article. The theme requested was to write about refugees.

My article is called Finding Refuge. As I began to research what I wanted to write in keeping with the request, "how our understanding of ourselves as refugees has been shaped by and helped to shape our ministry" I came across a quote from Paradise Lost. Milton stated “Rocks, dens, and caves! But I in none of these Find place or refuge.”. It's interesting that you can find shelter, but not find refuge there. My take on the theme was to discuss understanding the desire of the refugee (which I depicted as people looking to be served by ministry) is key to understanding what is necessary to provide refuge (ministry) as a church. We cannot begin to serve those in need simply by being what WE think they need. Until the true needs of their heart are discovered, the refugee will not FIND refuge. Although I think they wanted something a little more Christmasy and coming from another angle, I hope they will see the message I think I was supposed to convey. Who knows. It's definitely in God's hands now to do with it as He pleases.

I wanted to try my hand at doing freelance work just to see if I can get any takers. I won't post it here until I hear back from them about whether posting submitted articles on my blog violates any publishing rights they have if they accept and pay for the article. But I'm excited. It was challenging writing what someone else is looking for. I've only written about things that bounce around in my head. So keeping it at 500 words and about someone else's topic was new for me!

Technology rocks

If I get the gumption and inspiration to blog on the go, I can phone them in via email! Technology rocks!

The Artist, Formally Known as God

This will be the first tombstone I desecrate and I mean that in a good way! (See previous blog post- Writer's Graveyard). Although I'm not posting it in its intended entirety, I feel the need to post the remains. Wow, this whole graveyard theme is really working on so many levels. Although I will probably let it go soon. I don't want a Thriller video on my blog!

The premise of this article was to provide a portrait of God and all the many facets of who He is. I wanted to begin with God: the Creator and then go on to explore the various aspects of his being. "The Artist, Formally known as God", was written in 2003 after I'd gone on a self-exploration trip through Virginia the weekend hurricane Isabel trapped me there on a consulting gig. I didn't change my itinerary in time and so after the storm passed, I was there that weekend alone- no coworkers, just me, the hotel, and my complimentary bottled water because the hotel water was undrinkable.

That weekend I'd gone on a dinner cruise up the Potomac, a winery, the Virginia Museum of Art, and the Grand Caverns all by myself...Well, me and the Hertz GPS system. It was an incredible experience. I was so inspired by the beauty of that Fall, driving through Virginia, and seeing the beauty of the caverns that formed without even the benefit of light to see them. It made me wonder in awe about the beauty and complexity of God's creativity. So although I had many more points in my outline, here's most of it:

The Artist, Formally Known as God

I was talking with a friend of mine last night and sharing with her my studies
and thoughts and we just talked about the Lord and everything. She'd also shared how she'd done a study on the misconception of human will which was very interesting. But anyway, God shared with me some wonderful insights concerning His character and His artistic side and I was thinking about doing a series called 'A Portrait of God' and the first article will be 'The Artist, formally known as God'.

It will highlight God the Creator and then other articles will highlight the different aspects and characteristics of God. Anyway it was a very intimate moment for me talking with God last night and just experiencing Him and understanding my relationship with Him not only as His daughter but as His creation. It was very special.

It's like God has given me permission to draw Him. I said, God, you have such an interesting face, may I draw you? And He said sure, and He sits there smiling and just lets me. So I will use His Holy Bible, my love for Him, His love for me, and when I'm done, I want to share it
with everyone so they can see my portrait of God.

It touches my core being as an artist- God is an artist. And the beginning of everything that we know of God is that He created. I think that is ultimately the true beginning of understanding God.


The first way even God chose to introduce Himself to us through His Word is as the Creator
The reason I got the idea of starting with God the artist is because of all the things God Himself could have started His Word to say or share with us about His character and the world, and He chose to show Himself to us as the creator first- 'In the beginning, God created...' It's like the bible is His autobiography. And as an artist myself, He relates so many things to me about Himself on that level.

So I can understand why He waited until the last day of creation to make man. It was probably just so He wouldn't have someone standing over His shoulder saying, "What's that supposed to be?" "That doesn't look right" "Add more blue" etc... Any artist will tell you, they can't STAND for anyone to see what they've done until they're finished. It's primarily because we don't want any comments on what we're trying to make and I think God felt and still feels the same way. It's
annoying. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but the artist because there's something special HE'S trying to express; and to fuss and try to tell the Artist what He should be making just because He made such and such before or because of what WE think a tree should look like is ANNOYING. Wait until He's done. Wait until He's done with that situation, that problem, that prayer. It will look much better fully conceived.


Living Art
He had a conception in His utmost being that He wanted to get out- in the universe, in our lives, in our relationships, in anything. And when you get that inspiration and you feel this need to get it out of you, you just work until you've exhausted that itch. I would've rested too after expressing so much of myself!

Our relationships and our lives and our everything are masterpieces each expressing a different work of the Artist, except instead of hanging on a wall, we live and breathe and move on to perform other masterpieces. And yes, He's interested in what we think of His creation. He asks us, ‘What do you get out of what I've created here?... hmm, that's very interesting!’. But ultimately, He wants His creation to be art- what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

...
This article reminds me of how much I enjoy getting to know God. I look forward to one day finishing the portrait.

Writer's Graveyard

Today, looking for a document on my laptop that I needed, I ran across what I'm calling my Writer's Graveyard. The name of the cemetery was a folder called "Writing Outlines" and in it were all kinds of articles I'd written or thought about writing but never finished/published. Sadly, the latest modified date was in 2005. Wow. Opening each article and reading through them was like reading old tombstones except that buried under each grave marker was me. Some epithets were funny, some were heart-wrenching, and some were simply documents with just a title. But each reminded me of who I am even today. I'd forgotten that I was a writer. Correction- I'd forgotten that I am a writer.

The significance of the date of my last article is that it was a few months before I got married. The significance of that is I became a wife. And the significance of becoming a wife is you have all kinds of new responsibilities. Writing soon became less of a priority when compared to a sacrificing career change. Funny, when I wrote that sentence I was thinking about my switch from business consulting to Real Estate. But truly, going from singleness to marriage is also quite a career change! Both of which brought financial challenges which made it necessary to figure out things like how to bake bread over buying the expensive commercially produced kind. And kneading bread on your laptop is just not a good idea.

Four years later, I became very frustrated and I couldn't figure out why. I knew there was a part of me that wasn't there anymore, but what was missing? So being an analyst by trade, I began to analyze myself- Was it that phase that all married people eventually go through where you start to wonder if you were better off single and then you look around, think about all the things you treasure in your marriage, get a grip and snap out of it? Was it the 8 pounds I gained on our honeymoon? Was it my ticking clock? Nope. It was sitting for hours with books spread all around me, observing God, observing the world, tippy typing away.

Writing is my ministry. Writing is the way I funnel my excess energy into something productive. The last sentence of an article for me is like the satisfaction Dwyane Wade gets from shooting a basket. It's the feeling an overstimulated child gets from running loose in the backyard. It's the sense of enlightenment you get from sitting still on a hot Texas day and a light breeze softly kisses your forehead. Writing is my "Ahhh" and I missed it.

So now I'm clearing away the weeds in my graveyard. Maybe just maybe I can be rev1ved.

Our First Date

Trying to figure out what to write on my first blog post for Rev1ve has been like picking out an outfit for a first date. There are piles of posts on the floor- some are too drab for what I want to say about myself and my blog, some are just too revealing, some are out of style, and why is that still in my closet??

But truly, all I want to say is I think this will be good for me and I thought we might hit it off. If we develop something special then that would be beautiful. For now, I want to just enjoy the journey and all the different places we'll go. I hope you enjoy it too.

V

A Weekend to Remember

Along with 3,999 other people or 1,999 other couples, my husband and I attended the Family Life's Weekend to Remember Marriage conference (www.familylife.com/weekend) this weekend. It was apparently a record-breaking attendance. Although the number of people there was a little overwhelming and different from the more intimate marriage retreats we'd attended in the past, it was still enjoyable (even despite us playing hookie a couple times). It was a refresher in some areas and convicting in others. But it was also a personal motivator for the mom I hope to be and the woman I want my future son(s) and daughter(s) to seek and model after (Wow that's scary).

So for this season in my life, I'm preparing for motherhood. Being the nerd I am, I intentionally try to prepare for the next season of my life. In my singleness, I prepared for marriage. I attended marriage classes at church even when I didn't have a significant other. I went to child raising courses and read a wonderful book called A Gift From God and got the author's autograph...still, no boyfriend in site at the time. But that's just me...Anywho...

But the key opportunity often missed in being successful in the next season is to be successful and content where you are. I had to first learn to love myself and my singleness to the point where I was content to say, "If I stay single I will be fine.". It was in that moment marriage knocked on my door. As a newish wife, I'm trying to relearn how to be comfortable in my skin. In my singleness, I'd gotten to the point where I was "V" and V" was chill with who she was, what she was about, and where she was going. But Mrs. V? She's kinda new to me and she has some edges that are kinda rough.

I've always said, and strongly believe that you will NEVER see the fullness of yourself (the good and the challenging) until you're married. Marriage makes you capable of doing more than you ever imagined. I never would've known how capable I am to sacrifice and hold it down for the family until getting married. And yet I also never would've known how capable I am to seflishly and intentionally set aside some of the fundamental things I'd studied and learned about marriage. I've disappointed and also amazed myself in new ways. Marriage TESTS you. Marriage STRENGTHENS you. Marriage HOLDS you. Marriage EXPANDS you. Marriage WEAKENS your ME, MYSELF, and I mentality and turns it into WE and OUR. Marriage is arguably the most incredible thing God ever created.

So I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to be content in wifedom. I'm not looking to reach perfection- but contentment; to know that whatever wife I am, I'm content to be flawed but still try. That's marriage success for me. I recently told a friend that who I am is tied to that purpose. To abandon that would be to destroy myself. Besides, I want to be ready when a beautiful baby comes knocking on our door. And even if that baby one day realizes that Mommy has issues, at least that baby will know Mommy tried.

If not this retreat, I would recommend for every serious couple, seasoned or novice, to attend one.

Mrs. V