I joined my church going on 12 years ago. It was during a time in my life when I desperately needed change. Going to other churches in the past was just something to do to look like a good person and I frequently glanced at my watch to see when it would be over. But when I attended MY church for the first time that day, I was captivated. The founding pastor was teaching and talking about how God related to your everyday life. He suggested we take notes and I did. I wrote down everything he said with the fervor of a heart that found the change she was looking for. When he finished preaching, I was disappointed and actually sighed, "Oh no, not yet".
Over the years MY church grew me and matured me and taught me. In addition to what was being poured into me, I served in various ministries and soon I became "one" with MY church. It was my second family. Over more years I faced challenges and had to apply "real" faith in my walk. And over even more years, I walked in my relationship with God to the point that church itself had become a groove; something I moved in and out of. It was more a relationship of courtesy than of "oneness".
Even though I still attend faithfully and still serve faithfully, today when I sat in the pew I looked around and thought, "Who is this church?". Not that there is anything bad about my church or drastically different. I'm still a member, I still serve, but lately I'd felt like I didn't belong. While I pondered that in my heart, the choir started to sing. I clapped and tapped and swayed but sighed,"Where's MY church?". They began to pass the mic around to different choir members to sing different solo verses which I hadn't seen them do before and just noted, "hmm that's different" as the mic moved from person to person. Soon I was distracted, and again looked around thinking and sighing, "More people have joined now. It doesn't seem like MY church anymore...". While I faded into a daydream, the voices changed from person to person in the background, but then I heard a voice. It was Hope.
Hope was a soprano who used to sing in the choir in the growing years of my attendance. And honest to goodness, her name actually is "Hope". There are some people whose spiritual gifts are beyond apparent when God uses them. When Hope sang your heart melted into butterflies. The lilt in her voice made you soar as she climbed every note higher and higher. It was always a special treat to me to hear Hope sing a solo. So when Hope left the choir one year, I was hurt. But it happens. You adjust. New choir members come and go just as new church members come and go. But today while I was pondering MY church and looking down at my hands instead of the choir, I heard a voice like a golden thread that went through my heart and thrust me back. It sounded so familiar. I scrunched up my forehead, slowly looked up and saw Hope.
The tears uncontrollably flooded my face and warmed my heart. It was Hope! Now I don't know when Hope joined the choir again. She may have been there for a long time and I never noticed or maybe today was her first day back. As she sang, she cried. And as she cried, I cried more. I don't know what God was saying to her, but I know what God was saying to me. Today, "just for me", God let me hear Hope sing and MY church felt like home again.
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