You sure you want a King?

On my previous post, I talked about just letting 2010 be about dancing with my Father. Once I'd become liberated by that idea, I started to think more about this concept of just being still, hanging with God, and letting Him take the lead in our dance. It reminded me of when the Israelites asked Samuel for a King to lead the people rather than Samuel's sons whom he'd established as Judges. Yeah, cause most people get reminded of 1 Samuel chapter 8 verses 1-22 when they write out their New Year's resolutions....riiiiight. Again, it's a sickness, just roll with it.

BUT truly, it did remind me of that scene because of what God said in response to their complaints. He basically said, "Look Samuel, this isn't really about your sons or you. This is about them rejecting ME. I was already their King". So God told Samuel to tell them like it T-I-is. He basically said, "Tell them if they want a king so bad, this is how it's going to be with a king over them- he's going to take your stuff and make it his. He's going to make your sons and daughters work for him. Basically you're going to be worse off than you are right now. And when you start being mad, don't come crying to me about it!" And even after Samuel told them that, they still demanded a king. And God said, "Fine! Give 'em a King. I'll even pick one out".

Isn't that just like how we are with Him? We establish a layer in between a direct relationship with God and think it's a better set up. And if we're extra holy, we innocently (kinda) think, we SHOULD have this other thing to guide and direct our lives for us in "partnership" with God. Don't think so? I'll use myself as an example-

- Ok, I wanted to define a career for myself because I wanted to know that my life had a track to ride on. God says, "Why do you need something called a 'career' for that? You have me!"

- I wanted to have $XX dollars in the bank so I know I will have money to fall back on in case something happens. God says, "Yeah being wise with money and being prepared is good, but you don't need to fall back on your money. You need to fall back on me!"

- I was concerned about factoring in new relationships in the future. God says, "Why not enjoy the relationship you're having with me? Cause guess what? I promise you, some dude is eventually going to work your nerves, take up your time, money, and attention."

Oh, and remember I was going to do the right thing and pray He would bless and guide all my "layers".

We try to make that stuff sound all good and smart and right. But know what that stuff really is? *whispering* Psst! Lean in... those are called "idols". Yeah! For real! And despite what Paula, Randy, Simon or the new dudette thinks, God isn't a fan. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying He's saying I should hate men, not have some idea of what to do with my life, or save money. But I get His point, especially about relationships cause they are work. And that's putting it lightly.

But just as God was saying to the Israelites, He's saying to us, "Ok, you want all that? Fine. But don't come crying to me when your career is over-demanding, your money is funny, and he gets on your nerves, when you could've just had me!". Again, there's nothing wrong with having goals or guidelines or desires. What'll get you messed up is if you look in your heart and realize you trust those things more than you trust God.

Oh and in case you were wondering, Saul (the King they asked for) did turn out to be a headache. And that's putting it lightly. Not because God purposefully picked a lemon, but because nothing, I mean nothing, compares to God. Man, they should've just stuck with God! I know I'm going to.

Both Awe and Consternation

AWE- Talk about following through!

Click to read-> Allen 18-Year-Old Makes Good On Promise To Orphan


CONSTERNATION- I don't know what was more disturbing, that he did it, or all the comments on the article that only focused on a better rifle he could've used instead. Um, did they read the article?? Hello??

Click to read->A community college student was upset about his grades when he walked into a classroom and fired two shots at his professor before his new rifle jammed

Box Step

On my wedding day, I danced with my father. I'd never ever danced with my father before so I wanted it to go well. The song I'd selected was "Mother Father" by Musiq, which is a sweet song about thanking our parents for all they've done. It's a very simple 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3 box step kind of song. When we rehearsed it, I told my dad all he had to do was step to the beat, turn and repeat. As we danced it was clear we had the same vision in mind- stay on beat, look like we knew what we were doing, enjoy ourselves, and don't step on each other's toes! We accomplished those goals beautifully.

I am all about planning your work and working your plan. So this morning I am planning my vision and direction for 2010. Some of the things I want to focus on are personal growth, finances, Career choices (capital C makes it more grown-up), and having fun. I listed out those high-level things and then itemized various sub-areas I wanted to target by quarter. I will resist color-coding, this time. Yes, it is a sickness, but a very effective one. So anywho...

I was getting a little overwhelmed trying to sort it all out. So I wanted to "first" spend some time praying about God's perspective on those areas (after I'd already listed all of them out, mind you). But as I began to think about what to pray, suddenly I had a soft sweet daydream of myself dancing with God. He gently took my hand and He spoke to me, you haven't had a "Career" in 10 years. Why are you so bent out of shape over having one now? 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3... You haven't ever had excessive amounts of money tucked away, but you've always had enough and have enjoyed life abundantly. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3... Yes there are some character traits that need to be worked on, but who said I think all the things that bother you are so bad? 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3... If you do get "too old" to do [fill in the blank], who said I felt [fill in the blank] was what I wanted to accomplish with your life anyway? 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3...

And suddenly I realized that the song I have playing in my head may not be the song God has in His head. So no matter how much I stay on MY beat, we wouldn't be dancing together. It was liberating. And you know, God has been dancing with me all my life. Sometimes I looked like I knew what I was doing and He smiled at me and enjoyed those moments with me. Sometimes I've stepped on His toes, but again He smiled at me and got me back on beat. And ultimately it's been beautiful.

So for 2010, I just want to dance with my Father.

Humbled

I never think about stuff like awards or recognition, mostly because I hate attention and it makes me self-conscious. I blush profusely at compliments (If you can't tell, trust me I'm sweating). At media events I've attended, I hid behind someone taller than me to avoid being in the picture; in one, only the edge of my fro-at-the-time was visible. And I recently learned to just say "Thank you [period]" instead of explaining how old my outfit is or why it's unworthy of the compliment. Yeah, I have issues!

So today when the leader of the ministry I serve in at church gave me an "Outstanding Leader Award", I was completely gobsmacked and embarrassed, frankly. In fact, there was actually an award ceremony for it last weekend that I missed. When she'd sent the invitation/email about the ceremony last week, my only thought was, "That will be good for the other people in the ministry to go to. I hope they have fun!"

And although I would normally deeply frown upon drawing even more attention to kind things people think about me, I decided to share it. I'm not going to hide my face (well I did turn away) or shush it (well I did say "Are you serious? No way!" about 3 or 4 times). The inscription reads,

"Thank you for your exceptional servant leadership, excellent team spirit, and exemplary commitment to God and His people."

That is the ultimate compliment and I am so humbled. I want to shout, "I don't deserve it! Don't you realize I screw up on a regular basis???" But I will resist and say, "Thank you [period]" Just don't throw it back in my face when I do screw up! I'm probably screwing up right now! lol

"Everything nourishes what is strong already."

After watching "You've Got Mail" for the umpteenth time, I was finally inspired to read Pride and Prejudice just to see what the big deal was for ShopGirl. I've had moments where like Tom Hank's character, Joe Fox, I rolled my eyes and tossed it to the side yet picked it up again. But I've also come across moments when I'm in awe of the thought-provoking dialog.

One particular exchange about love and romance between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth caught my attention. They were discussing a former suitor of Elizabeth's sister and how the relationship did not exactly blossom and withered, as it were, upon the young man's attempt to woo her with poetry albeit good poetry-

"I have been used to consider poetry as the FOOD of love", said Darcy.
"Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away." [Elizabeth]

At first I thought it was funny how cynical Elizabeth was being, but truly, she had something there. I paused on that statement -"Everything nourishes what is strong already." That's insightful for many areas of life- spiritually, financially, physically, emotionally, and in relationships- romantic or otherwise. If something isn't already strong with deep roots, even something as "harmless" as love can blow it away like chaff. However, something rooted in strength and health, although it may weeble, although it may wobble, it will not fall down. And to her point, it actually should develop deeper roots and become even stronger yet. So this evening, I'm pondering how fine, stout and healthy are the foundations of my life; lest, God forbid, something come along and starve it entirely away.

If the economic winds came and blew my job away, would my finances be able to stand up against it? If a health issue were to arise, would my trust in God's faithfulness grow stronger? If my best friend suddenly stopped answering my calls, would the definition of our friendship ultimately last? And if I answer "No", to any of those questions, it's not the wind, the sickness, or my friend's fault. It's an indication that something has cracked in the foundation- in my finances, in my faith, and in our friendship.

And maybe I'm projecting a lot onto Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's passing conversation, but it's inspired me to consider and take stock- What are the fine, stout and healthy things in my life? And what are those thin inclinations that are in danger of a good sonnet? I will spare you the rest of this process, but maybe this will inspire a little inventory of your own! Hey, perhaps ShopGirl was onto something after all...