The Horror!

This morning I was given a choice. On the surface it might not seem like a big deal. But in this day and age, to some it might seem a radical choice to make. Initially it was brought upon me by circumstances. Then it blossomed into an opportunity for sacrifice. Since I’m currently in the middle of a pretty strenuous fast with my church, I was a bit surprised that an opportunity arose for me to sacrifice more. The additional sacrifice? Not having internet in my home (The horror!).

Every year starting New Year’s Day, for the past three years, my church has conducted a fast.

Sidebar- a fast is basically a commitment of sacrifice for the purpose of spiritual gain. The sacrifice should always be a personal statement to God expressing your desire for more of Him. Your sacrifice might be coffee or t.v. but that wouldn’t really be much of a sacrifice for me. In cases like our church-wide fast, we are sharing a common and typical sacrifice in the area of food. Fasts are very challenging yet very rewarding.

Each year it gets longer- first 21 days, then 30, now 40. We’re doing the Daniel fast which is basically Vegan (no animal products) dietary choices in terms of food with a Sabbath day on Sundays. But the focus of the fast this year is improving our relationships; first with our relationship with God then with others.

So back to my horror! Although I can giggle about it now, and although some of you may have gasped at the sheer thought of it, my first response at receiving the notice that I could not have internet service was pure panic. You would’ve thought I’d just lost my child at the mall. Frantically I dialed the phone company’s number. But every option I chose resulted in an automated voice notifying me “That office is currently closed. Please call back…”. My panic rose. Hanging up, calling again, stating “new service”, hearing “I’m sorry I am having trouble understanding you…”, then repeating “NEW SERVICE!” where everyone in my building would have no trouble understanding me, only again to hear, “I’m sorry that office is currently closed…”. I was horrified. But then when I talked myself off the ledge and stopped panicking, I had a moment to gather my thoughts-“What will I do if I can’t have the internet at home?” And God in His calm and patient way watched my whole panic attack take place, waited for me to stop foaming at the mouth, and gently asked, “What will you do, indeed?”

The past three weeks, I’ve seen God take care of all my needs in abundant shocking ways. Similar challenges were easily overcome or not even a factor. So is there a reason He’s allowing THIS particular snafu? For the first few weeks of my fast I’ve been focusing on re-energizing my relationship with God. I had a lot of distractions and life-challenges in the past few years that frankly, I’d allowed to eclipse my private time with Him. And as the most significant life-challenge comes to some aspect of a conclusion, I’m now having the opportunity to reconnect with Him. And suddenly I realized I was starving.

I’d already been living in a kind of fast and didn’t realize it. I was hungry for peace. I was hungry for quiet. I was hungry for reading His Word. I was hungry for calm. But while being in my current transition, I was removed from the things that distracted me and I was forced to do new things with my thoughts, time, and energy. And as I filled up that void with prayer, reading, and personal growth, I was becoming full again. I’d prayed for my relationship with God to continue to recover. I prayed to let my home be a place filled with His presence where I can relax, decompress, heal, grow, and be refreshed.

So when I looked at the internet issue again, I began to wonder if this circumstance was intentional. I thought about how much time I typically spend on the internet most evenings. That if I had it, it would probably gobble up the quiet time I’ve been enjoying with God. That especially now, I need to stay connected to Him to experience the kind of growth I desire. That, I confess, I’d been relying on “watching church” through my church’s online streaming feed more times than I’d actually been going to church. That maybe, this might be good for me. Instead of a sacrifice, I’ve actually been given an abundant blessing. Now I won’t be distracted by the temptation to waste hours at home surfing, shopping, IMing. Now I can curl up with a good book or spend quality time in verdant prayer more. Now I can challenge myself to break out of my introverted habits and be out in the public, spend time with my friends and family face to face, and actually improve my relationships! Novel idea.

When I went to bed last night I prayed that God would let me know what to do about it in the morning. So when I woke up this morning I felt He offered me a choice. I truly believe that all I have to do is call the phone company and God can and would be willing to resolve the issue. Or I could not call and instead enjoy this time of peace, enjoy this opportunity to interact with actual people instead of getting everything through the internet, and soak my weary soul in the warm quiet of God’s arms. I turned on my computer, wrote out this long blog, and I’ve now made my choice- I’m going to thrive, not survive, without the internet in my home.